Seeking: Beta Readers For Literary Pleasures
Yes, the title of this post creeps us out too, it really does. What can we say? Craigslist personals have nothing on us…we will outcreep anyone, anywhere! Below, a short missive from our time in the (very active) bowels of our manuscript.
An Interrogation
Sit down. In the hard chair behind the scarred table. The room is darker than Sarah Palin’s neural pathways. Here we come, jackbooted. Thrusting industrial strength lamps in your gentle face. Slamming gloved fists on the table. You’re going to answer all our questions… or else. There is no good cop/bad cop here, just us and an IRS agent out back to audit the shit out of you if you resist. You will tell us the truth or we will have your library cards and tax deductions ground to dust…now answer:
How are you? How goes the business of living, the daily fight against the inertia of existence? How fares reading and writing? Work? Lovers? Family? Everything and everyone else?
We hope it all goes well and you are beyond excellent. We miss you tremendously and it is all we can do not to abandon our children manuscript and spend all day visiting your blogs and making smart comments to and with you on the Twitter. We can’t wait until we can get back to learning from you daily.
How Are We?
We’re good…sexy as eva! Apparently we are still unable to understand the meaning of seriousness, gravitas and adulthood (the WSJ may have based this piece on us). We mean it about being sexy though, our Fro would make Leon Phelps (of Ladies Man fame) and Samson (of biblical fame) proud and we are as buff as a mostly stationary cubicle worker can be.
At the urging of our employer, we moved to the west side of this great nation, specifically to sunny California where it has rained for 17 of the thirty five days we have been here. We promise that the next time we move 2600 miles, it will be for the love of a woman and not for work. In pursuit of this glorious love, We have established a renaissance man cave and made its location known to all the lasses in the surrounding areas. In between their visits, we write.
And The Manuscript
Ah yes, the manuscript or as we call it, the first slave ship to sail down the River Niger. On most days we are convinced that it is so good, it will make you touch yourself (or others in your vicinity) with joyous glee. There are those other days when we are convinced we should have taken those Saxophone lessons instead of starting a bloody novel.
On the whole though, we think our updates have made a world of difference and we thank our gracious editor (Paula B) tremendously. We believe the whole shebang will be ready to win us a bevy of adoring fans in a few months.
We’ve been wrong before…many times actually. That’s where you come in.
In Need of Beta
We are obviously in love with our self and talent (witness the untrue plurality of our pov in this post) and as such we are in need of one or two discerning readers to tell us where to stuff our shitty manuscript (we are hoping for more specific feedback).
Our humble novel tells the story of a love triangle between two people and a place. Funmi loves Nigeria and wants to help it blossom. Dayo loves her but hates Nigeria and wants nothing more than to leave it behind. Nigeria doesn’t give a damn either way. Tharr you have the ethereal gonads of the story.
Yes there’s plenty of “lush and evocative prose” but we are as invested in plot as we are in language. We seek to entertain you as much as we aim to show you some truth of the human condition. Despite the tone of this post, we take this here endeavor here as seriously as one can (we didn’t make fun of Sarah Palin once in the entire manuscript) and we promise to be on our very best and professional behavior.
So this is our plea. Be our devil’s advocate, be our devil. Tell us when we are scratching some literary itch on the page, or when we sacrifice insight for the sake of hastening your heartbeat. Give us your first, middle and anytime you bloody want impressions. Save us from ourselves, save other readers from us.
Given that we’re just a tad shy, we’d like volunteers to be folks we are familiar with from the blogosphere and twitter (or Craigslist personals). We would start off with one or two chapters and proceed if you are interested in doing so. Given that we are members of the unwashed unpublished masses, we can afford no payment other than the great sea of our gratitude (and the opportunity to participate in the labor and pleasure of creation).
Please let us know if you’re a writer and you’d like us to have a looksee at your work in return, we’d love to.
What say you?
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Join The Conversation
Mayowa, I’d be happy to have a look. Email me and we can chat about it.
Loni,
Thank you so much! I’ll shoot you an email ASAP.
I would love to read your manuscript. Let’s talk.
Thanks a ton, Kinna! I sent you an email.
Where do you get your writing from? =) It is just so good. I have a manuscript soon coming up, I hope! Not going as well as I thought, these boringly written scientific articles upset me each time I judge the writing non-scientifically. We should write to the Publishing Groups.
Good luck and keep rocking with your writing. I shared your post earlier (4th Feb). Got stuck in scientific writing, you were squeezed in among hair extensions and high heels (I hope you are fine with this).
California sounds nicer than Gothenburg…./K
Katarina!!
How goes it? It’s been a while, I hope you’ve been doing great. How’s work? When did you start on your manuscript? What kind of story is it? Ha!, too many questions. California is fine, thank you. I hope Gothenburg warms up. Thank you for the link and for the kind words!
Your blog looks good. I have an idea of how much work it took, well done.
Nothing like a post like this early on a big day to put a smile on my face. Your writing really is hilarious and I must get reading already! I promise that soon I will be settled in and have more time. Love the pov in the post!
Thanks Amy!
Hello Mayowa! Ja, a long time thought still not, no not too many questions. =)
Thanks, I feel I’m alive! The manuscript I meant is my work manuscript. Story: herpes simplex virus type 2 and chemokines (approx.). Yeah, I know, it’s a great plot (?)… =) Started the writing about a year ago, but it was on ice since more experiments needed to be done.
Oj, California is super I can imagine. I hope you’re book is going well, and cruising with the roller skates along the sea sidewalks.
Thanks! I stopped working with my site, because I got tired of fixing it up. Yes, it’s a lot of work. =) So right now it is sort of half done, and it will probably stay like that for another 6 months or so until I get new calories to burn on Bluehost.
Sure, absolutely my pleasure to share your posts! Well, have a good weekend and make those pencils shorter!
Mayowa,
I’m sorry I’m taking so long to get back to you. I’m very curious to read your writing, but at the same time i’m scared to commit to something I might not have time for. If you want me just to look at your first couple of chapters, I’d be delighted and honored. If you want comments on a whole book, I’ll probably take over a year, as I have with other people, and I’ll feel like slime about it.
Domey,
The feeling is mutual, i’ve enjoyed the excerpts that have popped up on the Lab blog and i’m curious to see more. I’ll shoot you an email.
Thanks
Sorry I haven’t visited in a while! Glad to see you are your usual smart, entertaining self!
Sadly, I am up to my ears in crit partner committments, but I hope you find some good ones soon!
Lydia!
How are you? Hope you and the family are doing well. How goes the writing, work at the hospital? I’ve missed you, got to get a Medical Monday fix from your blog, it’s been ages. Thank you for saying such nice things about me. I understand about being busy, no worries at all.
It’s great to see you (virtually) again.
I’m glad I took a break from packing to read your post! I’d love to have a look at your book. We are moving this week, but next week or the week after would be good. We’re not going anywhere too far–just a few miles from our current abode. Good to hear your voice again!
Lisa,
Thank you so much for being up for this, i’ll shoot you an email. Hope the move goes well, you’ll have us to tell us what the new digs are like on the next Sunday Coffee. How are those chillun at school?
Thanks again.
I’m working on novella. Would love for your insight.
Hey Jarvis,
I’m right in the middle of editing (on my wip) at this moment, but if you’ll give me a few weeks to wrap that up, I’d love to take a look. What say you?